The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
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Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
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By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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