he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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