why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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