My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
