Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
