did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
