You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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