It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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