You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize