chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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