This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
