batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
