Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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