And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
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