You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
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You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
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Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i out mim tonsoeep
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