Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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