Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
