we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
