sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
