Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
