I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
