Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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