If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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