Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
