Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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