textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
