I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
