My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
