Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She just used a chaser for red wine.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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