I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
