And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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