Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
