Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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