i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
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You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
FUCK WHALES
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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