I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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