now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you told grandpa to call you daddy
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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