goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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