Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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