i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
