I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Say something about gay babies.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
