Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
