My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
