"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize