I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
