my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
