had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
