Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
