Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
