Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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