just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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