We got so high we made milksteak
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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