I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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