Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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