U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Dignity is for republicans.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
