somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
