let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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