Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
