I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
