we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
