it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
