i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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