ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
How does it feel to date your dad?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
