what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
