I'm eating all of the evidence.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
