Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
