I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
