With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
