Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Randomize
