you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
