You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
