i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
