Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
