capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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