I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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