How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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